I’ve written before about learning– about how doing anything new, for the first time, feels awkward and uncomfortable. However, with time and with practice, things that previously seemed difficult become easy, or second nature. The first time we drive a car it feels impossibly complicated, but with practice, it feels natural.
This observation– that things that were difficult become easier through practice– is something I typically think about as a good thing. After all, change and growth only happen through trying new things, and new things are uncomfortable and awkward. Getting people to embrace new experiences, with the understanding that through repetition these will become easier, is at the core of growth. It is also at the core of recovery from substance abuse, healthy change, and repairing broken relationships
But this observation is just that– an observation. It is a neutral description of human nature, and it can be put in the service of our growth, development, and happiness, as well as our misery, stagnation, or regression. Growth and progress can feel awkward and uncomfortable at first, but over time become standard and acceptable; so too can coarseness or deceit feel awkward and uncomfortable at first, but over time become standard and acceptable.
When we reflect on the process of change, repetition and familiarity can normalize not just positive behaviors and skills, but also habits and norms that might ultimately harm us. This dual nature of change—that it can lead us either toward growth or toward regression—challenges us to be mindful of what we are practicing, what we are normalizing, and what we are allowing to become second nature.
Take, for example, the way we communicate. Fifteen years ago, the idea of constantly checking our phones during conversations would have felt intrusive and rude. Today, it’s a behavior many of us accept without question, even though it diminishes the quality of our relationships. At some point, what was awkward or unthinkable became routine, not because it improved our lives, but because we allowed it to become a habit.
The same principle applies to our personal choices. At first, a sedentary lifestyle, mindless scrolling on social media, or even small acts of dishonesty might feel uncomfortable or wrong. However, with repetition, these behaviors can become automatic, requiring little thought or effort. What once seemed unacceptable becomes normalized, making the next step down that path feel more tolerable. This creates a snowball effect: small lies become bigger lies, eventually eroding our sense of honesty altogether. Once these habits are ingrained, they are much harder to break, as the discomfort of adopting new behaviors resurfaces, reinforcing the status quo.
This is one reason self-awareness is crucial. If we accept that anything can become second nature with practice, then it is our responsibility to choose what we practice with care. Just as practicing piano makes us better at playing piano, practicing lying just makes us better at lying. We must ask ourselves: Is this behavior or habit leading me closer to the person I want to be? Or am I simply becoming comfortable with something that ultimately limits or harms me?
Growth requires discomfort, but not all discomfort leads to growth. We need to distinguish between the temporary unease that comes with stretching ourselves toward something better and the discomfort of betraying our values or neglecting our potential. Both can feel awkward at first, but only one is worth leaning into.
We should also consider how this dynamic shapes society as a whole. Just like habits, social norms shift over time based on what we repeatedly practice and accept. Coarseness, division, and dishonesty in public discourse didn’t become normal all at once. These behaviors crept in gradually, with each occurrence making the next seem more tolerable, until they no longer felt surprising or unacceptable. The standards we hold for our leaders, for example, don’t change overnight—they erode slowly over time. This highlights the importance of our individual choices, not only for our personal growth but also for the collective direction of our communities and culture.
In the end, the question is not whether something will become easier with practice—it almost certainly will. The question is whether what we are practicing is worth becoming easy, worth becoming a part of who we are. We have the power to shape our habits, our character, and our norms, so we better be highly intentional about what we choose to practice and get good at.
Most of what we do is comfortable and familiar to us. If bullying, lying, and name-calling are what is comfortable, that’s what we’ll do. If honesty and consideration towards others is comfortable, then that too is what we will do. Growth is not just about change—it’s about choosing the kind of change that makes us better.
Cheers,
Doc
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