Every week, Dr. Justin Altschuler writes a post that provides new insight and perspective into the familiar parts of life, helping readers live a healthy, happy, meaningful life.
Independent and Interdependent
Quick Summary: Independence is not an absolute to chase, it is an idea on a spectrum. When we pursue independence to the extreme, we forget the reality of our interdependence. In our society, we prize our independence. It holds cultural and historical importance for us, we value it highly. We often view it as a core aspect of our identity— both individually and collectively. We have to stand on our own two feet, be our own person, do it my way… the list goes on. We place a premium on personal freedom, self-reliance, and self-determination. As we think about and celebrate our independence, we take pride in the idea that, individually and collectively, we are the masters of our own destiny. Independence is closely related to freedom and liberty, is is the opposite of bondage, tyranny, and a lack of self-determination. We think of independence as an unalloyed good to pursue as far as possible, but in fact, it might be more helpful to think of independence as a spectrum. If bondage lies at one extreme, what lies at the other end? Extremes are often unhappy places, so the other end of the independence spectrum might be loneliness. If one end is an over-reliance on others, the other end might be total detachment from others. Being completely independent from others, from the world around us, from our community is an existence filled with misery, poor health, and isolation. Just as bondage is built on the mistaken belief that some of us are inherently more worthy than others, absolute independence is based on a fantasy that we can exist without each other. For the entire history of our species, we have been dependent on each other. From our earliest days as a hunter-gatherers (even as primates) we thrived as social creatures, as a part of a group. We perished when alone. Communication, and the ability to form complex societies is one of our superpowers as a species. A lack of other humans (exile from the community) was literally a death sentence. We are interdependent. Interdependence was true one hundred thousand years ago, it was true one thousand years ago, and it is true today. As I sit here and write this, I depend on others for the electricity that powers my house, the water that comes out of my faucet, and the food I eat. We have taken steps to increase our independence (growing a garden, installing solar), but even so, we cannot escape the fact that we depend on others. The fact that our existence depends on others, and is influenced by others, can make us feel vulnerable and insecure. When wildfires burn hundreds of miles away, the smoke impacts our breathing. When the happiness of the people we live with and love is decreased, our happiness falls. Our economy, our technology, our food systems, our environment— its all interdependent. When we pretend that we are independent from each other, we make choices that cause our fellow humans to suffer. The reality of our interdependence often makes us uncomfortable. And yet, if we embrace this reality, it can shift our perspective. If we can recognize that we rely on others (and that others rely on us!), if we acknowledge that our actions impact others, and that the actions of others impact us, perhaps we can start to treat each other with more humanity and respect. We can realize that the happiness of our neighbor is related to our own happiness, we can conduct ourselves with a broader perspective. Independence is not an absolute to be pursued, it is an idea that lies on a spectrum— a spectrum where misery lives at both extremes. We must combine the idea of independence and taking responsibility for our own lives with the recognition that we existentially depend on others. . Our pursuit of independence can take us too far, straight into the arms of isolation. The loneliness we face as individuals and as a society is directly related to our fear of the idea of interdependence and our pursuit of unhealthy extremes. Let’s celebrate our independence without forgetting that we are interdependent. -Dr. Justin Share Doc’s Thoughts If you enjoyed today’s newsletter, share it with your friends and family! |
Doc’s Thoughts
Every week, Dr. Justin Altschuler writes a post that provides new insight and perspective into the familiar parts of life, helping readers live a healthy, happy, meaningful life.
Doc’s Thoughts When we talk about “setting boundaries” with someone, it is almost never a sign that things are going well. Setting a boundary might be discussed in the context of my boss is calling me all night or my mother-in-law shows up at my house unannounced and lets herself in. We usually think about boundaries in the context of some social norm or expectation being violated, and we think about setting them in the context of behavior that is inappropriate. In this context, boundaries...
Doc’s Thoughts A few weeks ago, I wrote about going through a stretch where I felt persistently down and anxious—often without any clear reason. The anxiety was vague, ambient, and slippery, attaching itself to whatever it could find. There was nothing wrong, but nevertheless I just felt really off. This past week has been something different. The anxiety is back, and more intense than before. But unlike before, it has clear sources, tethered to real, identifiable problems and situations that...
Doc’s Thoughts I remember having a conversation with a friend a while back where I commented on how, around some friends, I feel like I have not kept up financially. It was the kind of admission that feels slightly uncomfortable to make– particularly in light of the fact that objectively, I have nothing to complain about. The feeling is, the nagging anxiety is there, but I know it does not match objective reality. I am much to be grateful for. His response, which was true, is that this kind...