Every week, Dr. Justin Altschuler writes a post that provides new insight and perspective into the familiar parts of life, helping readers live a healthy, happy, meaningful life.
Internal vs External Validation
Quick Summary: Internal validation and external validation are different ways of receiving affirmation. While both have a role, excess reliance on external validation creates a challenge, as our sense of self-worth becomes dependent on the opinions of others. Where do you look to feel good about yourself, to feel validated? Do you look to your friends? Family? Co-workers? Or do you look internally, to yourself? Do you have a strong sense of self, and others' criticism and praise means little to you, or do tend to need others' feedback as validation for yourself or your ideas? Validation can be classified into two main categories: internal validation and external validation. Internal validation is the process of confirming one's beliefs and actions by oneself, while external validation involves seeking confirmation from others. Both forms of validation are important, but it's essential to understand the inherent traps of seeking excessive external validation. The desire for external validation is a part of human nature. From a young age, we seek approval and validation from our parents, teachers, peers, and society as a whole. The problem arises when we become heavily dependent on external validation, and our self-worth becomes tied to others' opinions of us. When our self our sense of self is dependent on the opinions of others, it can swing wildly depending on the actions or comments of others-- not a great way to live. Needing external validation can lead to a vicious cycle of seeking more and more approval from others to feel good about ourselves; however, this rarely leaves us feeling full, and instead, we continue to thirst for more. One of the main traps of seeking external validation is that it can be a fleeting and unreliable source of happiness. When we rely too heavily on external validation, we give others the power to determine our self-worth and mood. This can lead to a constant need for validation and an inability to feel good about ourselves without it. Warren Buffet once famously said, "You've got to be your own drummer." He has had success in business by trusting his own sense of what is right and important, and not letting the opinions of others sway his thinking. It's essential to have confidence in our own abilities and trust our judgment, rather than constantly seeking validation from others. Building self-esteem and self-worth decreases our need for external validation. When we have a strong sense of self, we are less swayed by the comments of others. This can be achieved through a variety of methods, such as practicing self-care, setting and achieving goals, and surrounding ourselves with positive people who support and uplift us. We can also work on developing a growth mindset, which reframes challenges and failures as opportunities for growth and learning. Intrinsic motivation refers to the drive to do something for the inherent satisfaction of it, rather than for external rewards such as money, fame, or recognition. When we focus on intrinsic motivation, we are more likely to feel fulfilled and satisfied with our achievements, regardless of external validation. Focusing on intrinsic motivation also decreases our need for others' approval of what we are doing. While seeking external validation is natural and necessary to some extent, it's crucial to be aware of the traps inherent in relying too heavily on it. By focusing on building self-esteem and self-worth, developing a growth mindset, and focusing on intrinsic motivation, we can reduce our dependence on external validation and find fulfillment and satisfaction in our lives. As Warren Buffet noted, we must be our own drummer and rely on ourselves for validation, rather than constantly seeking approval and reassurance from others. |
Doc’s Thoughts
Every week, Dr. Justin Altschuler writes a post that provides new insight and perspective into the familiar parts of life, helping readers live a healthy, happy, meaningful life.
Doc’s Thoughts It is pretty easy to feel pessimistic about the future. We all have our own list of reasons: global warming, species extinction, AI, rising national debt, erosion of democratic norms, increasing authoritarianism, inequality. Looking at the world through that lens, it is not hard to understand why so many young people feel pessimistic and overwhelmed. There is plenty to be afraid of, and there are rational reasons to be fearful. But fear can also become the default lens through...
Doc’s Thoughts For a few weeks now, my daughter has wanted us to order Chinese food for dinner. I have not been in the mood for it. Nonetheless, one night we ordered. I was, if I’m honest, kind of annoyed about it. But as we sat down to eat, I also faced a choice: I could either be angry and annoyed about the meal, or I could find what else was present in that moment (perhaps even enjoying it), despite the fact that it was not my preference. I choose the latter. My default mode of looking at...
Doc’s Thoughts Problems We encounter problems in our daily life all the time, and there’s no shortage of ways we respond to them. Most of the time, we move– almost automatically– into solving them. What will I have for dinner, how do I address this issue at work, what do I do about the leaking faucet. Sometimes we get overwhelmed or are unsure, but the basic instinct is to solve the problem. We sometimes have other responses though too. Our first move may be to analyze. Complex problems...