Every week, Dr. Justin Altschuler writes a post that provides new insight and perspective into the familiar parts of life, helping readers live a healthy, happy, meaningful life.
Internal vs External Validation
Quick Summary: Internal validation and external validation are different ways of receiving affirmation. While both have a role, excess reliance on external validation creates a challenge, as our sense of self-worth becomes dependent on the opinions of others. Where do you look to feel good about yourself, to feel validated? Do you look to your friends? Family? Co-workers? Or do you look internally, to yourself? Do you have a strong sense of self, and others' criticism and praise means little to you, or do tend to need others' feedback as validation for yourself or your ideas? Validation can be classified into two main categories: internal validation and external validation. Internal validation is the process of confirming one's beliefs and actions by oneself, while external validation involves seeking confirmation from others. Both forms of validation are important, but it's essential to understand the inherent traps of seeking excessive external validation. The desire for external validation is a part of human nature. From a young age, we seek approval and validation from our parents, teachers, peers, and society as a whole. The problem arises when we become heavily dependent on external validation, and our self-worth becomes tied to others' opinions of us. When our self our sense of self is dependent on the opinions of others, it can swing wildly depending on the actions or comments of others-- not a great way to live. Needing external validation can lead to a vicious cycle of seeking more and more approval from others to feel good about ourselves; however, this rarely leaves us feeling full, and instead, we continue to thirst for more. One of the main traps of seeking external validation is that it can be a fleeting and unreliable source of happiness. When we rely too heavily on external validation, we give others the power to determine our self-worth and mood. This can lead to a constant need for validation and an inability to feel good about ourselves without it. Warren Buffet once famously said, "You've got to be your own drummer." He has had success in business by trusting his own sense of what is right and important, and not letting the opinions of others sway his thinking. It's essential to have confidence in our own abilities and trust our judgment, rather than constantly seeking validation from others. Building self-esteem and self-worth decreases our need for external validation. When we have a strong sense of self, we are less swayed by the comments of others. This can be achieved through a variety of methods, such as practicing self-care, setting and achieving goals, and surrounding ourselves with positive people who support and uplift us. We can also work on developing a growth mindset, which reframes challenges and failures as opportunities for growth and learning. Intrinsic motivation refers to the drive to do something for the inherent satisfaction of it, rather than for external rewards such as money, fame, or recognition. When we focus on intrinsic motivation, we are more likely to feel fulfilled and satisfied with our achievements, regardless of external validation. Focusing on intrinsic motivation also decreases our need for others' approval of what we are doing. While seeking external validation is natural and necessary to some extent, it's crucial to be aware of the traps inherent in relying too heavily on it. By focusing on building self-esteem and self-worth, developing a growth mindset, and focusing on intrinsic motivation, we can reduce our dependence on external validation and find fulfillment and satisfaction in our lives. As Warren Buffet noted, we must be our own drummer and rely on ourselves for validation, rather than constantly seeking approval and reassurance from others. |
Doc’s Thoughts
Every week, Dr. Justin Altschuler writes a post that provides new insight and perspective into the familiar parts of life, helping readers live a healthy, happy, meaningful life.
Doc’s Thoughts In parts one, two, and three of this series on addiction I have focused on mental models that are helpful when thinking about substance abuse. For this final post, I focus instead on some common ways of thinking about addiction that are particularly unhelpful. While each of these frameworks holds some truth, I find they tend to obscure more than they illuminate. These beliefs are often held both by people who use drugs, and their families. Rock Bottom The idea of hitting rock...
Doc’s Thoughts This is part three of a series looking at different mental models of understanding addiction (you can read parts one and two). As a reminder, the frame of this series is substance use disorders as a form of human behavior that is both prevalent and extreme. I am hoping these frameworks are helpful both for people directly impacted by substance abuse, and also as a window into human nature more broadly. The frameworks below look at substance use in the context of how we navigate...
Doc’s Thoughts This is part two of a series looking at different mental models of understanding addiction. I think of substance use disorders as an extreme form of human behavior, and they are prevalent. This series is designed both to be a resource for people impacted by substance abuse, and also as a window into human nature more broadly. After all, all of us have the urge sometimes to check out: to scroll our phones, eat too much, or lie to ourselves. Last week, I explored addiction...