A few weeks ago, I wrote about going through a stretch where I felt persistently down and anxious—often without any clear reason. The anxiety was vague, ambient, and slippery, attaching itself to whatever it could find. There was nothing wrong, but nevertheless I just felt really off.
This past week has been something different. The anxiety is back, and more intense than before. But unlike before, it has clear sources, tethered to real, identifiable problems and situations that warrant concern. Before, part of the problem was that a lot of the anxiety was “unjustified,” it felt detached from what was in front of me. Now, what I am feeling is easy to justify. It is accompanied not by vague depression and feeling off, but elevated levels of adrenaline and cortisol in my body.
This is not a better or worse experience, but the feeling of facing direct problems is something we also label “anxiety. Whereas previously the problem was identifying the feeling’s source, now it is working with the feeling in the context of a known problem.
I try to be thoughtful about how much of my personal life I bring into this space. This is not meant to be a running log of my inner world, but at the same time, we learn by recognizing ourselves in the experiences of others. So while the specific details matter less, the process of moving through this feels worth sharing.
There are two primary sources of stress right now—one personal related to family, and one professional. Each, on its own, would have made for a difficult week. Together, they have created a kind of sustained pressure that is uncomfortable to live through. Neither is fully resolved. Both are likely to persist, at least for a while. And if I am being honest about it, this has been deeply uncomfortable. There is no part of me that prefers this state. Whatever the source of the stress– and we all have it in spades at times– the feeling in our bodies is often similar.
One of the first things that I think about now, when my stress goes through the roof, is not to carry it alone. This is a change for me– growth. Many of us, myself included, instinctively internalize it. Particularly when it is something specific, we treat the problem, and the stress that comes with it, like something we need to solve independently, before we are allowed to talk about it. I’ve noticed that sharing with others changes the experience for me. It does not solve the underlying problem, but it redistributes the weight.
During this stress, there is something grounding about continuing to show up for the basic structure of daily life. Exercise, meditation, eating well, getting enough sleep—these can sound almost trivial when placed next to larger, more urgent problems. For me, they serve as stabilizers. When parts of life feel uncertain or out of control, maintaining routine becomes a way of reinforcing that not everything is chaotic. Part of the reason I work hard to build daily routines that keep my head on straight is so that when I hit the rough patches, I have momentum to help carry me through.
This week during meditation I tried to notice what my resistance to the stress was. For all of us, suffering comes from the situation itself, and from our response to it. We hold onto the idea that things should be different than they are, and that compounds the problem. I find when I can remind myself that everything is temporary—that circumstances change, emotional states shift, nothing we are experiencing is fixed—the resistance softens. Not in a way that makes the discomfort disappear, but in a way that makes it less tight. I can either let go of my attachments, or be dragged by them.
I remind myself (repeatedly) to come back to the present moment. My mind instinctively wants to move forward—to predict, control, or prepare for what is coming next. But most of the time, what is actually happening right now is more manageable than what I imagine might happen later. I can notice the coffee in my hands, the morning air against my skin—or I can stay pulled into the worry. Returning my attention to the present brings me back into something I can actually engage with.
This means allowing the present moment to be what it is, even when it is uncomfortable. There is a tendency to treat anxiety or distress or worry as something that needs to be eliminated before we can continue with our lives. In reality, it often sits alongside everything else we are doing. I can feel anxious and still have conversations, still work, still move through the day. My goal is not always to feel better immediately (though that would be nice), but instead to just be where I am, without adding an additional layer of resistance on top of it.
I have found that the more I pay attention to my emotional experience, the easier it becomes to see the rhythm of it. Feelings do not stay fixed. Periods of anxiety give way to periods of calm, just as periods of calm inevitably give way to something else. This is not a flaw in the system—it is the system. Reminding myself of that helps, because it means that at some point, the stress will pass.
There is a particular kind of anxiety that thrives in inaction—when we are stuck in anticipation, running through possibilities without moving toward resolution. While there are many parts of all of this that I cannot influence, and most of it I cannot control. But, there is surface area to the problems that I can impact, that I can control. Taking action in those areas, however small they are, helps create a sense of agency and remove the feeling of helplessness. Action, however small, eats anxiety.
I would often remind myself during this week that there are millions of other people alive on the planet at this exact time feeling almost the same way I do. Stressed and worried about situations over which they only have a little bit of control. This reminder that my experience is in fact a universal part of being human is somehow highly comforting to me. I would tell myself, in the midst of all of it, to remember what this feels like. Remember this feeling, the next time someone talks about how stressed out they feel. This recognition at how universal the experience is also leads me to share it, and my way through it. Other people feel this too, and maybe this will be a useful guide.
Love,
Doc
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