How to be Miserable


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Turn a world map upside down, and the almost automatic sense of understanding that we have about the globe feels less intuitive. We have to look harder at what previously for granted– and often, in that re-examination, we develop new insights. To solve difficult problems, it is helpful to look at them from another perspective. German mathematician Carl Jacobi wrote, man muss immer umkehren. This translates as one must always flip it upside down. Following Jacobi’s advice, what would we need to do to practically guarantee we would live an unhealthy, miserable, meaningless life? Perhaps highlighting what brings us misery and disease will help us find the inverse.

We will not concern ourselves with fundamentals. We will have minimal regularity with our schedule, our food, when or how much we sleep, or how much we exercise and move our bodies. We’ll have no system and no plan– instead, we’ll do whatever feels good in the moment. We’ll go to bed late, sleep when we can, and eat what’s convenient. We’ll eat highly processed, empty calories at all hours of the day– lots of them. We’ll be sedentary, mostly on a couch, and spend as much time as possible inside. Instead, we’ll be by ourselves, in the dark, on a screen. We will let social relationships atrophy and die, and we’ll believe that a life lived online will continually bring us closer to what we want. We’ll do drugs, drink constantly, smoke cigarettes, and use nicotine. Whenever we encounter any consequences from these decisions, or experience any doubts about our choices, we will justify, rationalize, or ignore them.

Whatever is actually in front of us will be ignored for something that already happened, or yet to come. We will obsess about the past and worry about the future– all the time. When the present moment becomes uncomfortable, we’ll distract ourselves with a chemical, a screen, or some other digression. When the present moment is wonderful and we do happen to notice it, we will grab it tightly and try to prevent it from slipping away from us. In fact, we’ll let our concern about losing the good things impair our enjoyment of the good things.

We will never admit that there is something we do not know. We’ll talk more than we listen. When we encounter new information that does not conform to our worldview, we will not update our beliefs; we’ll dismiss the information, attack the messenger, reject it as irrelevant, or deflect by pointing to unrelated issues elsewhere. We’ll reduce complex topics to simple, black-and-white frameworks that make us feel superior but do not reflect reality.

We’ll treat money as a scorecard, and compare our lives– our happiness, our wealth, our health, our relationships– to others. This comparison will be how we determine our sense of self-worth, our contentment in life, and the yardstick by which we measure our choices. We’ll treat money as the arbiter of success– not kindness, not beauty, not love.

We will avoid challenges—if something seems hard, it’s a sign we’re not good at it, so we’ll quit to avoid embarrassment. We will not value effort in ourselves or in others; effort is futile and proof of inadequacy, lack of talent, and worthlessness. Failure is proof of our limitations—and confirmation that we’re not good enough. We’ll ignore feedback– or take it personally. We’ll stick to what we already know, and avoid the risk that comes with learning new things. We’ll see others' success as a threat, as proof that they are naturally gifted (and we are not) or we will resent them for what they’ve achieved. When we fall short, we’ll blame others.

We will spend our time focused on meaningless problems. We will choose work that does not inspire or fulfill us, does not make the world a better place. Instead, we will maximize money over the short term while ignoring the impact our actions have on the world.

We will reject, on principle, satisfaction or contentment. We always want more. We will not reflect, be thankful, acknowledge luck, or be grateful. Gratitude is for fools, but we understand how much more we could have, if only. We’ll believe that not getting more is the same as settling for less.

We will not be weak and accept help from others. In all our interactions, we’ll assume the worst in people, knowing that everyone is out to get us. We will treat kindness with suspicion, and constantly expect betrayal. We will be jealous and resentful for the joy and success of others– remember, our value is only measured in comparison to those around us. We’ll take advice from people who are loud, from people who are on social media, from people who are reach– but not from people who are wise, or kind, or content.

We will make excuses and accept no responsibility– except for our successes, which are obviously 100% our own doing. We will demand accountability and perfection from others. Whenever someone disappoints us, and falls short, we will be relentless, we will not forgive, we will not let go.

We’d never choose this life deliberately, and yet, in quiet moments, it’s worth asking: how much of it are we unconsciously choosing? If we look closely, we may recognize fragments of these patterns in our own lives. How often do we avoid discomfort, resist change, or measure our worth against others? How many of our approaches to life push us toward a life of distraction, stagnation, or resentment? The good news is, if misery has a pattern, so does meaning. If disease has a pattern, so does health. Knowing what to avoid may be just as useful as knowing where to go.


Cheers,

Doc

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Doc’s Thoughts

Every week, Dr. Justin Altschuler writes a post that provides new insight and perspective into the familiar parts of life, helping readers live a healthy, happy, meaningful life.

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